hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
