ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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