i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
