New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
