He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
