girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize