I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
