Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
