return my video game
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
