Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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