genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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