chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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