I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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