I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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