I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
