Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
