I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
