So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
