I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
