If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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