quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
