I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
