She is in my trunk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
