College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
