his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
