made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
