Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
