i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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