Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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