South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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