Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
