yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
