I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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