if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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