He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
