what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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