Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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