Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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