I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
