It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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