Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
