Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
