you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
