She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
