I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
