You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
