I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
