Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
