Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
