My sheets look like a crime scene.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
