They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
