Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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