how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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