we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
