great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize