My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
