please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
