apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
