if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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