listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
