Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
