Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
