I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
