with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
