when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you will always have a special place in my vag
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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